“Don’t have an affair with Bob*. He’s too fast – I can’t catch him.
“Don’t have an affair with John*. He’s too big – I can’t fight him.
“Choose someone small and slow, like that little dude who lives round the corner.”
My Husband has a super power.
He is able to diffuse and de-escalate situations with well timed humour at the appropriate juncture, and he is so easy to get along with – at work, and at home.
I’ve learned so much from him in the years we’ve been together – humour, patience, grace.
After a fairly traumatic relationship that almost broke me physically and emotionally, he slowly and surely restored me to be whole again.
I am better person because of him.
I tell the kids that they need to choose their friends and partners wisely, because you want to be surrounded by people who lift you up and help you succeed.
You want to be around people who make you a better person for knowing them.
I totally lucked out in this department, and I am deeply deeply grateful that he is in my life.
Laughter, love and health.
I am richer than I ever dreamed I would be.
And that, my dear reader, is what I wish for you too. 🌹
*Names changed just because.
How do you talk to yourself?
What do you say?
How do you say it?
Whose voice do you hear?
Most of us grow up learning how to talk to ourselves from how people talk to us.
If we grow up being told that we have no value, that we are useless, that we are a mistake.. then these are the voices we will hear.
All of us have voices in our head.
They become particularly loud when we have made a mistake, or if we feel we have ‘failed’ in some way.
Most of the time, we treat ourselves much worse than we’d treat our enemy.
We say such horrible things in our head, that we’d be mortified if we actually verbalized it so that we can hear the words being said out of our mouths.
Why then, do we do it?
It’s because at some level, we believe the voices that have judged us and told us that we aren’t good enough.
We also tend to perpetuate the cycle.
There is only one real way to break this pattern.
Be kind to yourself.
When you feel you have failed.
When you feel unworthy.
Hold yourself in loving regard, and speak to yourself as you would a young child who have stumbled and scraped her knee.
It’s ok to fall down and be hurt.
Just get up and try again.
You aren’t a bad person.
You just stumbled.
Be kind to yourself.
For there is only one you. ❤
Children are meant to be cherished.
They are born innocent, and whole.
And perfectly perfect just as they are.
You do not have the right to bend them, to mould them, to make them into what you think they ought to be.
You do not have the right to break them, if they should stand up for themselves.
As a parent or guardian, you are wholly responsible for their safety.
Their physical, mental, emotional safety – over and above anything else.
History repeats itself for many reasons.
If you have anger issues, if you are hurting your children because you are repeating the actions of your parent, seek help.
What you are doing is perpetuating the cycle of #abuse.
Hurt people, hurt people.
Seek help if you are hurting.
Do not pass that legacy unto your children.
They are perfect as they are.
Please wrap them in love, and give them everything you didn’t get when you were young.
You both deserve that.
Wouldn’t it be great if you were like Dr Strange and could test out different versions of the future?
That way, you can take the action that gave you the results you wanted.
Sadly that is not something that is possible unless you have the Time Infinity Stone (guess who’s rewatching the Marvel Cinematic Universe?!)
However, if you want a deep conversation about things that matter, you’ll need to be aware of a few things.
– don’t try to problem solve
– don’t anticipate what is going to be said next
– don’t plan your response
– don’t presume to know
– don’t judge
Learning to have deep interesting conversations is an ongoing daily practice that I strive to improve every day.
You never know where that conversation might take you…. Like whether your pet may prefer your partner more than you! 🐕
Which could be a big deal if that partner becomes an ex! 😭
Do you know what someone means when they draw a line under their throat?
In Guardians of the Galaxy (a Marvel movie) Drax did not.
Whether its a “universal” sign for exterminating someone isn’t the point here.
What Peter Quill (aka Star Lord) did was to assume that others knew and understood references that he’d make from his world view.
Euphemisms, metaphors, allegories, some of these require context to be understood.
It took me a long time to understand the British droll humour, and know when someone is serious and when they are yanking my chain.
#Communication is important.
Being a good communicator means that you are sensitive to the other party, and you are mindful that they may not ‘get’ your lingo.
And so, you adjust.
You know what they say…
ASSUME makes a ASS out of U and ME.
Or maybe you don’t. 🤷🏻
The immutable law of Project Management.
Just like the law of gravity, you can attempt to break it at your peril. 🤕
What happens when you try to bend this Law?
When you try to add scope without adding resources or costs and expect deadlines to be adhered to?
When you cut cost without corresponding reduction in scope and expect things to be fine?
Unless you have the Reality Infinity Stone💎, it will all end quite painfully.
I talk about this in last week’s newsletter, and if you think you might enjoy same kind of stuff along some hand drawn doodlings to illustrate the concepts in my head, sign up below 👇.
I also discuss this in my Consulting Delivery masterclasses, next one starting 4th May. No-charge to out-of-work #Salesforce peeps. DM for details.
In this week’s newsletter (going out sometime today), I’ll cover the Emotional Cycle of Change (ECOC), which looks like a roller coaster where the PMs is in charge of how ‘exciting’ the ride can be.
Other unbreakable ‘laws’ I’ve found:
– Late bedtime will guarantee higher incidents of squabbles the next day.
– Any fizzy drink will send Ninja #2 into frenzy mode.
– Trying to play Minecraft or any game-of-the-month with ninjas will get me labelled a NOOB.
What are some unbreakable ‘laws’ that you know?
Coerce or convince?
What’s your preferred style of influencing others?
There’s a whole spectrum of tactics:
Force, compel, coerce, convince, persuade, ask, motivate, inspire.
The dirty word here that people don’t like to use is: Power.
Wars have been fought, lives lost and all sorts of evil and heinous things that have been perpetrated have been attributed to the love of Power.
I’ve found it fascinating that Influence has also been associated with another word that has a negative aura – Manipulation.
However, we cannot go through life without power or influence, because we will never get what we want, or be very effective in relationships and attaining of goals.
I cover Power and Politics on my Consulting Masterclass programme (starts 4th May), aimed at #Salesforce Consultants who want polish their Requirements Gathering skill with lots of role plays and skills practice to embed the learning.
No-charge to any #Salesforce peeps who are out of work, or charity. However, #SalesforcePartners who want to level up their internal team into consulting powerhouses, you will have to register now as there are limited seats.
Personally, I rely on my winning smile and amazing charm to get my way. 😁 It works most of the time.
And if it doesn’t, there’s always 🍩!!
Empathy vs Sympathy.
It’s the difference between getting into the hole to be alongside someone, and standing outside the hole looking into it.
I have found it the best explanation of how they are different.
When someone’s in a really dark place, in the metaphorical hole:
Sympathy is saying “I’m so sorry you’re down (there).”
Empathy is getting right down to be with them, and saying “It really looks like you’re in a dark place. Talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Empathy does not mean understanding how someone feels, because we can never truly understand another person’s experience.
Just because you’ve gone through a similar experience as someone else, doesn’t mean that you can truly understand how they feel and what they’re going through.
I never presume that I know.
All I know is that I can only ask, and then I listen.
And I am there
Remember that most people who are going through a rough time don’t want sympathy.
They just want someone to listen.
You don’t need to be a #Samaritans to be a good listener.
You just need to care. 🌹
How do you know when you’ve completed a user story?
– functionality has been built in sandbox?
– test classes completed at 95%?
– functionality deployed to QA box for testing?
– QA has tested and signed off functionality?
– Show & Tell for functionality completed?
– Users have tested and approved?
– technical solution updated?
– wiki/user documentation updated?
– training video / walkthrough completed?
… or all of the above?
DoD (#DefinitionOfDone) needs to be defined and agreed up front, or you might get caught with your pants down later down the line! 😁
Or, if you’re running a hybrid methodology on a project, when is the system done, tested, and ready for handover to client?
Exit criteria in a Test Strategy/Approach document that is signed off by stakeholders.
What quality threshold is ‘acceptable’ to enter UAT (User Acceptance Testing) before Go-Live?
I talk about the above in my Consulting Masterclasses, no-charge for out-of-work #Salesforce peeps and .org charity customers – starting on 4 May.
#SalesforcePartners – register your team now to level up their consulting/delivery skills, as I am not sure of the dates of the next public course (DM me if you want in-house training).
More details in comments 👇
If your customer feels that they aren’t being heard, they will vote with their feet.
In today’s world, there is rarely a thing called ‘captive audience’ anymore.
There is so much choice out there.
You can apply this to:
– gathering rerquirements for software implementation
– selecting the right #SalesforcePartner for your organisation
– selecting the right #SaaS software for your business
– hiring great talent
– finding the right life partner
Listening is such a crucial skill for everything.
Experience may lend you insight as to what the other party may think/say/feel/want – but there is a chance that you may be wrong.
No-charge Consulting Delivery Masterclasses for out of work #Salesforce peeps, starting 4th May. DM me for details.
For Salesforce Partners looking to become consulting powerhouses, register your team for the course – link in details.