Feedback is a gift. 🎁
Or is it…? 🤔
I think it depends on whether you’re the gifter or the giftee.
I remember a whole lesson during my Anthropology 101 class dedicated to the concept of “gift-giving” – how the complexity of cultural norms, expectations and modern challenges can make it a source of stress and misunderstanding.
“I’ve given them sound advice from my experience and judgement that what they are doing is wrong and bad and it’s up to them to do what they will with what I’ve given them. My conscience is clear.” 😐
I think that it is the Gifter’s responsibility to ensure that the gift is going to be
🍩Welcomed & appreciated – the recipient is receptive and has an open mind and a growth mindset to receive it
🍩Valuable – the feedback (if taken on board) will make the recipient’s life better
🍩Timely – the feedback is given immediately so that the recipient can understand the context of the gift
🍩Devoid of all expectations – there is no trace of my ego tied to this, i.e. it’s not to show I am better, or for me to get hurt if the feedback/advice is not taken well.
So here’s my call to action for you today.
The next time you give feedback/advice/opinion – ask yourself a few questions:
1. Is this a ‘gift’
2. What’s your real intention of giving this gift? (i.e. is it for them, or for you?)
3. How will it make your giftee feel?
If the answer to (3) is happy, grateful, or appreciative – then you’ve done it right. If they display any other emotions like discomfort or awkwardness, it might be worth asking yourself, “Why?” and digging deeper for the answer.
Only then can we hone our skill of giving valuable feedback that will genuinely help the recipient move forward in that area of their life.
What do you think?
