I give pretty good massages. 💆🏻
I know, I know 🤭
And I think there are two reasons why I’m not bad at it:
1️⃣ I’ve had neck and back pain myself, so I *know* where it hurts.
2️⃣ I actually listen. And I adjust when someone says “a bit to the left” or “lighter pressure”.
Compare that with someone who goes straight for the deep tissue without asking, hits the wrong spot, and leaves you in a much painier state than before. 😬
(OK I’m in Malaysia and I’ve just had the most gorgeous deep tissue massage that inspired this post! 😁❤️ )
Recently I’ve been in a couple of very tense, highly charged project calls. And it struck me how similar the principles are.
When someone is under stress, worried about their job, their promises, their reputation – things can escalate quickly when the person on the other side of that conversation can’t *feel* what they’re going through.
De-escalation starts with empathy. 💚
Genuinely understanding *what the other person is going through* so you can choose the right words, the right tone, and the right framing.
Just like a good massage therapist might ask:
🍩 Are you sedentary or do you move a lot?
🍩 How do you sleep?
🍩 Where exactly does it hurt?
A good consultant or PM might ask:
🍩 Where is this tension coming from?
🍩 What would a well-architected forward motion actually look like?
🍩 What would make things better for you right now?
Questions asked with genuine curiosity.
No blame.
No judgement.
No passive aggression (Brits are so good at this 😬 )
Because you can’t move things forward if the other person doesn’t feel *seen*.
And that’s any of us really wants.
Except freshly prepared, sinfully sugared, hot donuts 🍩
That’s absolutely what I want right now 😋