*Suicide Trigger alert*
Deborah Harvey asked a beautiful question about what to do if you pass someone on a bridge who may be contemplating ending their life.
Many would like to say that they would stop and help.
However, just like someone who’s drowning at sea, should everyone jump in and try to save that individual?
What if they can’t swim?
This situation is similar.
Delicate situations like this could go either way – and it would impact you deeply, and perhaps irrevocably – your life would not be the same from this point.
I believe that without training and support, it may be something that could take years to process.
So, call the police, and try not to feel guilty if you can’t help. However, please make sure you talk about what you’re going through.
That said, sometimes all that’s needed is someone to listen, without prejudice and without judgement.
Right now, the jumper may be fighting an internal battle so horrific that all they want to so is to make sure their act is truly final.
So if it were me, I would first call the police.
(It’s our human duty to try and help, even though Samaritans believe in the right to self determination).
I would then stop and approach the jumper.
I would say
“Hello friend. What brought you here today?”
And then I would just listen, and ask open questions.
Tell me what’s going on for you?
You say you can’t take it anymore, do you want the pain to stop, or do you really want to stop living?
And just listen.
Be there.
Don’t think about what is going to happen or what’s coming next.
Don’t give advice (they’ve probably had people telling them to do things) – besides, I’m not a trained counsellor.
Don’t guilt or shame them. (“What would your kids think?” “What about all those drivers under you?” Guilt and shame are the primary emotions that drive people to suicide.)
Meet them where they are.
Be wholly, 100% present.
And maybe, just maybe… they may change their mind.
Hopefully you can hold a safe space for them to talk until the professional people arrive, at which time, the urgent need to end their life may have abated.
They may find that tomorrow may look a just a little bit different – perhaps a little bit brighter.
And with the right help, healing may come.
You can only be there to listen.
Which is why I believe Active listening with empathy is such a critical skill for everyone.
If you step up onto that ledge, or the bridge, or the station platform…
to talk to the person who looks like life has totally beaten them down
and you’ve opened your heart to listen… thank you.
Whatever happens afterwards, I hope you have people you can talk to, who can support you. If you don’t – please call Samaritans freephone 116 123.
You don’t have to go through this alone. 🌹
Thank you Mike Tocker for also sharing your story and for always supporting those around you.