Facts or feelings?
When you’re in a heated argument, sometimes it pays to be more of a listener, and attempt to understand where the other party is coming from.
That’s my default position, especially at the start of the engagement.
Sometimes the other party wants to draw you into the emotional discussion, and may get upset if you do not engage.
For me, I will try to maintain calm, and to remember quadrant I and III of the Emotional Intelligence core competency – around Self Awareness and Self Management in this matter.
Am I triggered?
Why do I feel this way?
What can I do to manage the situation and understand where the other party is coming from?
And I stick to facts, especially in a professional situation if the other party is upset.
What happened?
How did it result in this situation?
Why is the other person upset?
What expectations have not been met?
What is the next step to address this?
The who is to blame and why are loaded emotional questions that need to be avoided at this time.
I coach this in my team as well, because it helps to know how to manage situations like this.
On the other hand, when you want to connect at a deep level, then focus on feelings.
What led you to make that decision?
How did that change you?
What did you feel at that time?
Would your decision change if you felt differently?
I believe that the art of having conversations that lead to deep relationships come from being curious, not being judgemental, not trying to solve whatever you think the problem is and truly listening.
Sticking to facts is for dealing with conflict and trying to resolve the situation.
Once I learned the difference, life got a lot more simpler.
And my relationships flourished.
What has been your experience?
#OnThePeiroll
#ArtOfConversation
