“You’re worried that your mum will reject you because you’re gay? Maybe it’s a phase… go on a few ‘normal’ dates, you may find that you’re not gay after all.”
“What? You want to quit med school and be an actor? That’s so lame.”
“You eat rice with a fork?! How are you even married to a chinese?!” 😱<– that one was me.
It’s near impossible for us to be non-judgemental, although it’s one of the key principles of the active listening we do at Samaritans.
When I first started out, I’d actively try to analyse my thoughts.
Hey, that woman who was jogging had a really skimpy clothes.
It looks really inappropriate.
Hang on a minute.
Why did I just think that?
Why was I judging her?
Is it because I’m jealous because I haven’t got the curves to look that good?
What gives me the right to be on my judgey high-horse?
You cannot have an open, safe conversation unless you stop being judgemental.
The person who is sharing things with you may have already heard all the criticisms, the judgements, and the condemnation of others around them, which makes it difficult for them to open up.
Try it today.
Put your brain in “debug” mode and see how many judgey thoughts you catch.
What you find may surprise you.