Ring Ring Ring
“Hello Samaritans, can I help you?”
*click*
This is called a ‘snap’.
It’s when our callers hang up as soon as the line is connected.
Picking up the phone and speaking to a stranger about the deepest pain in your heart can be utterly terrifying.
For some of our callers, it may take several attempts dialling in before they are able to stay on the line and give voice to what’s in their soul.
Sometimes while they don’t hang up, they may still find it difficult to speak, and and these are what we call ‘silent’ calls.
We give our callers a lot of space and we never rush them, especially if there are auditory clues that someone’s on the other end of the line – perhaps by the sound of soft crying or the jagged breaths of someone in the throes of a panic attack.
The point is that we need to remember that there may be a reason why your team member isn’t able to contribute during your project meetings.
Perhaps he grew up in an environment where he wasn’t allowed a voice.
Perhaps ‘shut up and shut down’ has been a mantra that’s been drilled into him.
Perhaps he was ‘trained’ to be this way.
The only way you can get someone to emerge from their shell and to find their voice is to create a safe space where they can be who they are and say what they think or feel without fear of judgement.
“You can tell me anything.”
“If I pi$$ you off, I want to know.”
“If you believe I’m wrong about this hill I’ve decided to die on, I want to know why you think so.”
“Tell me anything that’s on your mind. I promise you I will treat what you say with deep care and respect.”
Don’t be too quick to judge and dismiss someone who doesn’t contribute as often as you expect them to.
Instead of impatience, you may find more success with empathy and a compassionate listening ear.
That’s why I don’t get upset when I get a string of ‘snaps’.
I think about the courage it must have taken our callers to pick up the phone and dial 116 123, the freephone number to our Samaritan’s phoneline. This is where I volunteer to support our callers who are emotionally distressed, and who may be feeling suicidal.
For our ‘snap’ callers, I hope with all my heart that they will try to ring again.
And maybe, this time, they will also find the courage to give voice to what’s in their ❤.